To have and to hold. Sounds romantic, doesn’t it? To choose someone and to physically embrace them, hug them, and hold them. That’s what the vow implies. And it probably literally used to mean that all those years ago when it was pegged. But, if you’ve been married or in a relationship for any length of time, you know that the holding gets old. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the holding is necessary…and it feels good. But the holding doesn’t get you through everything. Consider the other components of the vow — for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Yeah, if you struggle with any of those elements, holding someone will be the last thing you’re thinking about.
I too wanted the fairytale; and my assumption was that my husband would give it to me. He’d be my Prince Charming. But let me tell you this…DISNEY LIED! Disney only presented a very SHORT part of the “story.”
A STORY presents us with characters, a setting, plot, conflict, and a resolution. In the fairytale stories, all the final credits end the same way…”and they lived happily ever after.” The conclusion? The conflict was resolved. They fell in love. The End.
But there is a misconception about that closing phrase…”and they lived happily ever after.” The focus on the HAPPILY…and not on the “LIVED.” For if we focused on the LIVED, we would know and expect that living does not come without tests and trials. We don’t give merit to the fact that as one story ends…another story begins.
Love and marriage. This combination of words comes to my mind as both a statement and a question. Can they coexist? Along this journey we’ve learned that though there is a distinct difference between love–an affection towards a thing or person; and marriage–committed consensual and contractual union with someone….they can coexist with as long as there is willingness by both parties (husband AND wife) to commit to them both.
I was, as some would say, a public success and a private failure.
And even as shameful as it was to admit that this was where I was, I had to talk to someone who understood my heart so I could get free from what was trying to “entangle” me.