For females, there seems to be an innate need for relationships with other females very early on. Not from a place of competition, but rather from a place of need and support. We begin to learn and glean from each other very early in our journeys. It seems there is a security found in female friendship that anchors us to life in some way. If you know your know.
I know sometimes as we face certain obstacles and frustrations in life, our defenses tell us to “F it” or forget it. But that’s only in theory. Those offenses or emotions that we put out of our mind, on the backburner, or that we suppress…are only lying dormant. They’re not gone. They’re just waiting for the right time to resurface. And by right time I mean a time where we’re forced to bring those offenses up or to face them.
As we began to talk, we first started with the question of why people (mostly women) continue to stay “at the table” (or in relationships) longer than we should. The question was asked,” How will we know when it’s time to get up?
So, you would have thought we would discuss mistreatment or incongruency in relationships; lack of support and compassion; being unequally yoked (whether talking about an intimate love relationship or any other relationship/friendship). But the conversation took a turn.
I too wanted the fairytale; and my assumption was that my husband would give it to me. He’d be my Prince Charming. But let me tell you this…DISNEY LIED! Disney only presented a very SHORT part of the “story.”
A STORY presents us with characters, a setting, plot, conflict, and a resolution. In the fairytale stories, all the final credits end the same way…”and they lived happily ever after.” The conclusion? The conflict was resolved. They fell in love. The End.
But there is a misconception about that closing phrase…”and they lived happily ever after.” The focus on the HAPPILY…and not on the “LIVED.” For if we focused on the LIVED, we would know and expect that living does not come without tests and trials. We don’t give merit to the fact that as one story ends…another story begins.
Friendships can feel like rollercoasters; but isn’t that true of life? There are going to be unexpected ups, downs, twists, and turns along the way; but when we reflect back, it will be in those experiences that the thrill of the journey is recognized and appreciated. Maybe.
The term UNFRIEND has become an ugly word. Not just an ugly word, but an offensive word. But I’m here to play devil’s advocate I see individual messages on FaceBook about this topic all the time; and I’ve had some conversations with a few friends about it. People are usually very bothered when they realize they’ve been unfriended. I, however, am on the other side of this. One because, I’ve unfriended some folks a time or two, and I’ve also been unfriended by people. Here’s my take. Unfriend has less to do with the person who was unfriended and more to do with the well-being of the person who took the action. Learn more…
In this modern-age of social media, many of us have increased our “friend” base tremendously; yet, people report more often feeling friendless or alone. Why? Because there is a difference between mere friendship and frientimacy. True friendship does not equate to quantity; it equates to quality. In other words, friendship has less to do with having a relationship or the number of relationships one has, and more to do with connectedness and intimacy within the relationship.
Rather than referring to stunted physical growth, I’ll be referring to stunted emotional and relational growth. Not only referring to the kind of emotional blockage that occurs as a result of children’s experiences, but also the emotional barriers that continue to present themselves in the lives of adults still dealing with the residue of the emotional distress. The damage – that though suppressed, ignored, and hidden – continues to plague both their maturity in certain areas and their relationships.
I sternly said to her, with tears in my eyes, “Don’t you EVER have a maybe in your spirit about yourself. When nobody else is rooting for you, YOU BET ON YOURSELF! I WILL NOT allow you to talk yourself out of living your best life for yourself. Not for me…but for you.”
Love and marriage. This combination of words comes to my mind as both a statement and a question. Can they coexist? Along this journey we’ve learned that though there is a distinct difference between love–an affection towards a thing or person; and marriage–committed consensual and contractual union with someone….they can coexist with as long as there is willingness by both parties (husband AND wife) to commit to them both.